Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Randomize