No awkward lesbian experiences without me
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I'm just crazy horny about you
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Randomize
