the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
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