Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
