so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
