Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Randomize
