i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
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