Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize