i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Randomize
