i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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