Walk of Shame. In a state park.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Randomize
