Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
