It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
