i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
