I didn't shave. On purpose
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Randomize
