what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
The best revenge is premature balding
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
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