I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
