I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
