Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
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