How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
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