it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
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