You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
then he tried to convert me to islam
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
