I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Randomize
