she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Just invented taco cereal.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Randomize