Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Randomize
