i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Best friends brother. Beat that.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Randomize
