You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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