you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
