Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize