sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
