We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
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