Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
