Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize