It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
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