Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Randomize
