oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
too bad you live with your parents still
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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