Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
