this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
it was like having sex with a tree stump
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
