but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
