Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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