so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
where am i from again
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Randomize
