Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
