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did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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