Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Randomize
