i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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