i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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