Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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