DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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