Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
