She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
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