id be glad to
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
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