Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
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