its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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