do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
I can tuck mytits in my pants
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Randomize
