So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
