Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
