I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
