Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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