I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
