2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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