I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
