the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
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