How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
