It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
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