Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Randomize
