So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
