Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
