shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
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