Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
