so let's talk penis.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
