I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
