I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize