dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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