Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
