member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
