yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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