great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Randomize
