Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
