i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize