So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
