If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize