My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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