I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Only a mothe r could love this liver
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Randomize
