I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
