I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
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