So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Randomize
