I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
