I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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