His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Randomize
