My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
