thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Randomize
