Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
