Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
birth control should be required to get into college
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize