I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
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