Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
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