He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
