last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
then he tried to convert me to islam
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
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