i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
The air was thick with penises
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
