I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
mondays should just be called national damage control day
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
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