stop calling my apartment porn island.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
