Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
