I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Randomize
