I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
This house was built for laser tag.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
