Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Randomize
