Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Randomize
