His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Who wears a wallet chain?!
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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