I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Randomize
