he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I fill condoms, not promises.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
