Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Randomize
