i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Randomize
