i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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