he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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